Friday, 9 June 2017

Motherhood, kindergarten & cheesecake

Cake and Loaf strawberry rhubarb cheesecake

This past week I finally registered my youngest for junior kindergarten!  As an over thinker extraordinaire I have been contemplating whether or not my 3yr old (he will be 4 in October) is truly ready to embark on this next chapter of his life.  In many areas he is very independent and helpful but others... not so much.

Recently I spoke with my daughter's educators about the impact not attending JK may or may not have on any one child and the idea of part time vs every day.  *Big picture for me:  I send an ill equipped youngster in to a packed class room, he isn't prepared and it sets a miserable tone for school years to come*  They were so helpful and encouraging, I left feeling confident that enrolling him now and sending him part time will be the best thing for him long term.

... that doesn't mean it didn't get me right in the heart though ;) ...I left the school with tears in my eyes after I registered him...  And I just might have eaten my feelings.  All be it in a fantastic way - the mini cheese cake was devine, but I ate them all the same.

Driving away I thought back to my daughter's school introduction... At that time it was the bus that made me nervous.  I knew she was ready for school otherwise but sending such a tiny human on this giant vehicle with a stranger behind the wheel with oodles of other children and trusting that she would be safe - that thought was terrifying...  I am positive I also ate a bag of cookies or something similar to comfort myself after checking the "bus" portion of her registration form.  I love me a sugary hug.  Judge if you will but we all have our weaknesses.

Thinking back led me to reflect briefly on motherhood in general... it isn't all snuggles and giggles as I naively thought it would be... thanks for nothing Full House, talk about misrepresenting reality ;) .  In fact much of my experience thus far has been - it is hard, motherhood is really really hard!  There is so much good along the way, it is full laughter and joy but there is also a bazillion bittersweet moments mixed in...  Signing my name to the registration sheet of my littlest was one of them.

Some people transition smoothly through milestones like the start of school and face motherhood challenges so gracefully, I am not one of these people.  I question things that probably don't need to be questioned far too often all while crossing everything that each decision I have made is the absolute best I could make... and I am an emotional mess at best as I watch my children age right before me eyes.  I cried when I sent my daughter off on her first day of JK and I most definitely will cry when I send my son off...  Than I will hop in to my truck, go get all the foods, stuff my face and likely cry some more.

Motherhood is tough.  Kindergarten is an emotional life promotion... But at least there is cheesecake.


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